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Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Pink and Blue Crazy Quilt Snowman Doll

As many of my long time blog friends know, I'm in the process of trying to get off the Zoloft that I've been on for the past few years.  Although I don't care to talk about the horrible depression that I went  through 3 years ago too much anymore, I have to tell ya'll, these withdrawals are killing me.  I really don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'm down from the 100 milligrams that I was on in the beginning to about 18 milligrams a day.  The process is so slow and it has to be but I often wonder if I will ever feel good again.  After all these years, it's really hard to hang onto that hope.

I'm doing my best to focus on my stitching.  It's always been my #1 coping skill.  I finished up my Pink and Blue Snowman Doll yesterday afternoon and have started on my 5th and final Snowman Doll which is all worked in white.  Here's the pink & blue one:

I had planned to do some sewing today but I'm not sure I feel good enough to pull out my fabrics.  I guess I'll see what things are like later.  Honestly, I could lay on my bed all day and watch Food Channel.  That's so not me!  Where's that motor on my ADD butt?  I know it's there.  I can feel it in the background but the side effects and withdrawals are dominating.  Why is this stuff so addictive?  And why don't they make antidepressants that aren't addictive?  And why don't they make a pill to get off this stuff?  They have a pill for everything else!  Arggg.....

Ok, I think I just needed to vent for a few moments.  I keep looking at the clock thinking, ok, another hour and 1/2 and I can take that pill and then I'll feel better.  Yep, that's the medication talking.  Then I get these thoughts that go, "maybe I can't get off this stuff.  Maybe the depression isn't gone yet.  Maybe I still need this stuff."  Withdrawals will drive a person nuts!

I have my Dr.'s permission to drop the dosage again when I'm ready.  I'm just holding out until this trip to "withdrawal hell" passes.

Well, that's where I'm at at this moment.  I keep telling myself, I made it this far.  Like the song goes, "hold on for one more day."


Marjolein said...

I have some experience too in getting off medication, allthough not for a depression.
I know all about the doubts.
Down from 100 mg to 18 mg is terrific. You can be so proud of that, that is more than 80%!!!!
I can only say: "Imagine how good you will feel when you have coped another day, or when you have reduced your medication, even if it is 0,5 mg".
This process has to be slow, but it doesn't matter, one day you will reach your goal.

Judy S. said...

So sorry you're having a bad day, Pam. Hang in there, and focus on how far you've come! Love your snowmen, and of course, the kitties. Wish we were close enough to share a cup of tea. Know that I'm thinking of you anyhow. Hugs!

Sandie said...

You can do it, tiny steps....

Routing for you and sending some 'coping' vibes ( in plain English - encouragement!)

It's hell now but, the results will be worth it.


Sandie xx

P.S. Come on, get a snow doll finished, I wanna see one done! LOL! I thought of making a 'snow cat doll, inspired by your kitties and snowmen - what do you think?

Magpie's Mumblings said...

How true that it would be good if they could come up with medication to help you get off of medications like this. It's so unfortunate that you aren't informed what the withdrawals are like before you agree to take it in the first place.

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