A Quick Hello

This is the first time I've had my computer on in a couple of weeks. I check my messages on my dad's computer when I feel up to it.

I'm hanging in here. The nightmare continues but the Zoloft is helping. I wish I could describe the awful physical sensations, the weird dreadful creepy feelings and the horror movie that plays in my head sometimes. It is so not me! I just don't think those kind of thoughts. I think butterflies and hummingbirds and soft fuzzy things.

Anyway, I've done a couple loads of laundry today and mixed 2 batches of cookies that I'll bake tomorrow. I try to do what I can do when I can do it. Laying around watching TV is getting old but much of the time, that's all I can do.

Scott is still on vacation so I'm giving my parents a break. Not that they mind that I lay on their sofa and watch TV. I mean, who is better capable of taking care of me than my parents?

My mom tries to encourage me to make a card now and then. I've done quite a few but frankly, when I look at them now, I can't remember making any of them. I have done a bit of stitching the past few days. I finished a pillowcase and started on the companion. With all the laying around I do, it'll be nice to have a pretty new set of pillowcases. I'm just trying to make myself do a few things, even if only for a little while here and there.

On a happy note, I still have a male hummingbird here. The males usually leave the first week of July. Perhaps the one I'm seeing a young one born this year. If that's the case, he'll head back south with the females the end of September. If it isn't a young one, maybe he's still here because of our screwy weather this year!

Well, just wanted to say hello before I turn my computer off. Thank you again everyone for your encouragement. Everyone tells me that this will go away eventually. It's just a slow process. Too darn slow in my opinion but it is what it is.

Saying Hello

The extra Zoloft has helped but it's only covering up the symptoms. I look forward to the day that this nightmare of an experience actually starts to recede.

I was able to do some cleaning yesterday and bake some cookies but today, I have zip for energy.

Just wanted to stop by and say hello.

Not A Good Day

Thank you again everyone. Today is not good. I feel so crazy. I couldn't even drive this morning and I couldn't do WalMart. My dad had to come get me and take me to see my Psychologist. While I was there, he went and got what I needed from WalMart. What would I do without my parents? I'm at my parents house right now typing on my dad's computer. I'm surprised I have enough of my senses to remember my username and password!

I'm going to call my Dr. in a few minutes as my counselor feels I need an adjustment in medication.

I so much appreciate all of your best wishes as well as your willingness to share your experiences with me. Please keep reiterating that this will go away. Please keep telling me that.

My counselor told this morning that this was bound to happen eventually and it's better that it happened in my 40's rather than my 50's. In our 40's, we have more strength to get through it.

It's definitely genetic as my mother went through a similar experience in her early 50's and my grandmother went through it as well.

I'm sorry to be talking about this awful hell that I'm going through rather than needlework and crafts. I'd really rather be talking about that but for now, this is what I'm going through and it's all I have to share.

Some Of My Cards

I thought while I still had my computer on, I would share a few of my cards:







I don't know how but I've made quite a few over the past few months. Just thought I'd share something pretty.

Stopping by for a moment....

Again everyone, thank you for your kindness and support. I had to get online to check my email so I thought I would stop by for a minute.

It helps to know that some of my readers have been through this although I have to say, I wouldn't wish this on a housefly!

For those of you who had this experience, did you have a feeling of being tainted, or ruined? Like your innocence was gone? It's an awful feeling that I never had before and I was wondering if anyone else experienced it. And please don't freak out anyone. I'm not usually alone but those feelings usually have intrusive suicidal feelings behind them. It's awful and the Zoloft keeps that down and again, I'm either with my husband, my parents or in the mornings when I am alone, my neighbor is home. It's very scary and those are terrible feelings but they're not mine. It goes with the territory.

This morning wasn't good. We tried to walk a flea market but after 15 minutes, I had to go sit in our truck. I feel a twinge better now. I have some laundry going, some hummingbird food cooling off and I may try to mix a batch of cookie dough. I try to make cookies for my dad every week since he drives me everywhere that I need to go outside of McHenry. For awhile there, I couldn't drive at all. My dad had to come and get me every day.

Anyway, I want to say hello and ask that question.